Assertive communication – 6 ideas for efficient use

Assertive communication – 6 ideas for efficient use

What’s assertive communication?

Assertive communication is the flexibility to specific optimistic and destructive concepts and emotions overtly, truthfully and instantly. It acknowledges our rights whereas respecting the rights of others. It permits us to take accountability for ourselves and our actions with out judging or blaming others. And this enables us to constructively confront and discover a mutually passable resolution within the occasion of a battle.

So why use assertive communication?

All of us use assertive conduct typically…very often, once we really feel weak or not sure of ourselves, we could resort to submissive, manipulative or aggressive conduct.

But being educated in assertive communication truly will increase acceptable use of the sort of conduct. It permits us to change outdated patterns of conduct for a extra optimistic way of living. I’ve discovered that altering my response to others (whether or not co-workers, purchasers, and even my family) could be thrilling and empowering.

The advantages of assertive communication

Assertive communication has many advantages, together with these:

  • It helps us be ok with ourselves and others
  • It results in the event of mutual respect with others
  • It will increase our vanity
  • It helps us obtain our objectives
  • He minimizes hurting and alienating others
  • It reduces nervousness
  • It protects us from being exploited by others
  • It permits us to make free choices and decisions in life
  • It permits us to specific, each verbally and non-verbally, a variety of emotions and ideas, each optimistic and destructive.

In fact there are downsides…

Disadvantages of assertive communication

Others could not approve of this model of communication or could not approve of the opinions you specific. Additionally, having a wholesome regard for one more individual’s rights means you will not all the time get what YOU need. You may additionally uncover that you simply had been fallacious a few viewpoint you had. However above all, as talked about earlier than, it entails the danger that others don’t perceive and subsequently don’t settle for this model of communication.

What assertive communication just isn’t…

Assertive communication is unquestionably NOT a lifestyle! It’s NOT a assure that you’re going to get what you need. That is positively NOT an appropriate model of communication with everybody, however at the very least it’s NOT aggressive.

But it surely’s a matter of alternative

4 behavioral decisions

There are, in my view, 4 decisions you can also make concerning the model of communication you should utilize. These sorts are:

direct aggression: bossy, boastful, bulldozer, illiberal, opinionated and bossy

oblique aggression: sarcastic, misleading, ambiguous, insinuating, manipulative and guilt-inducing

submissive: moaning, moaning, helpless, passive, indecisive and apologetic

assertive: direct, sincere, tolerant, accountable and spontaneous

Traits of assertive communication

There are six major traits of assertive communication. These are:

  • eye contact: reveals curiosity, reveals sincerity
  • physique posture: constant physique language will improve the that means of the message
  • Gestures: Acceptable gestures assist to emphasise
  • voice: a balanced, well-modulated tone is extra convincing and acceptable, and isn’t intimidating
  • timing: use your judgment to maximise responsiveness and impression
  • content material: how, the place and whenever you select to remark might be extra vital than WHAT you say

The significance of “I” statements

A part of being assertive entails the flexibility to appropriately specific your wants and emotions. You’ll be able to accomplish this through the use of “I” statements. These point out possession, do not assign blame, deal with the conduct, determine the impact of the conduct, are direct and sincere, and assist develop your relationship with one another.

Robust “I” statements have three particular parts:

  • Behaviour
  • Feeling
  • Tangible impact (consequence for you)

Instance: “I get annoyed whenever you’re late for conferences. I do not like having to repeat data.”

Six Methods for Assertive Communication

There are six assertiveness methods – let’s take a look at every in flip.

1. Behavioral Rehearsal: Actually working towards the way you need to look and sound. This can be a very helpful method whenever you first need to use “I” statements, because it helps dissipate any emotion related to an expertise and permits you to pinpoint precisely what conduct you need to handle.

2. Repeated assertion (the “damaged file”): This method permits you to really feel snug ignoring manipulative verbal trappings, argumentative baits, and irrelevant logic whereas sticking to your viewpoint. To make use of this method most successfully, use quiet repetition, say what you need, and keep centered on the issue. You can find that there isn’t a have to repeat this method, and no have to “brag” in coping with others.


“I want to present you a few of our merchandise”
“No thanks, I am not ”
“I actually have a pleasant vary to give you”
“That could be true, however I am not proper now”
“Is there anybody else right here who would have an interest?”
“I do not need any of those merchandise”
“Okay, might you are taking this pamphlet and give it some thought?” »
“Sure, I will take a brochure”
“You are welcome”

3. Fogging: This method permits you to obtain criticism comfortably, with out changing into anxious or defensive, and with out rewarding manipulative criticism. To do that, you need to acknowledge the criticism, agree that there could also be some reality in what it says, however stay the decide of your alternative of motion. An instance of this is likely to be: “I agree that there are in all probability occasions once I do not offer you solutions to your questions.

4. Adverse Inquiry: This method seeks self-criticism in shut relationships by prompting the expression of sincere, destructive emotions to enhance communication. Use when you do have to hearken to vital feedback, make clear your understanding of these criticisms, use the data if it is useful, or ignore the data if it is manipulative. An instance of this method could be, “So that you suppose/imagine I am not ?”

5. Adverse Affirmation: This method permits you to extra comfortably have a look at the destructive points of your individual conduct or character with out feeling defensive or anxious, it additionally reduces the hostility of your critics. You should settle for your errors or faults, however not apologize. As an alternative, tentatively and sympathetically settle for hostile criticism of your destructive qualities. An instance could be: “Sure, you’re proper. I do not all the time pay attention fastidiously to what you need to say.

6. Workable Compromise: Whenever you really feel that your self-respect just isn’t in query, take into account a workable compromise with the opposite individual. You’ll be able to all the time negotiate your materials objectives except the compromise impacts your private sense of self-respect. Nonetheless, if the tip objective entails a matter of vanity and self-respect, THERE CAN BE NO COMPROMISE. An instance of this method could be, “I perceive that you want to discuss and I would like to complete what I am doing. So what a few assembly in half an hour? »


Assertiveness is a helpful communication device. Its software is contextual and it isn’t acceptable to be assertive in all conditions. Do not forget that your sudden use of assertiveness could also be seen as an act of aggression by others.

There’s additionally no assure of success, even when utilizing assertive communication kinds appropriately.

“Nothing on earth can stop the person with the appropriate psychological angle from reaching his objective; nothing on earth will help the person with the fallacious psychological angle” WW Ziege

#Assertive #communication #ideas #efficient

Supply by Lee Hopkins

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